Great Expectations

I was listening to Beyonce's "If I were a Boy" and being a female I can understand where she's coming from just wanting your man to understand how you're feeling and just to communicate and be honest with you.

Listening to the lyrics it sounds as if females were men, even for a little while, they could do a much better job at it than men do because they would take into account how a women feels and whatnot. I can honestly say nothing in the world would make me want to be a man because I've seen the intense amount of pressure that women can put on them (myself included). Society alone places such a stigma on men to be strong, supportive providers and any form of being less than that is supposedly a sign of weakness. Sure, the man is supposed to be the provider and take care of things but when did they stop being human beings like the rest of us.

Sometimes I feel that we (as women) don't take the time to understand our men. We expect the flowers and the gifts and the "I love you's," the outward showing of affection and all that good stuff but what are we willing to give in return? We get far too wrapped up in why they won't do this or that and granted I understand that some men just flat out won't do this or that and won't open up and be honest with us and that can get terribly frustrating...which in turn can lead to us nagging them, yelling at them and complaining, etc. I personally know I don't want anyone fussing or yelling at me but it just seems to come so naturally when we get upset.

But have you ever looked at a man after you've just finished unloading all your feelings about who they are and what you think of them and they've had nothing to say or just simply say ok? Doesn't that just infuriate you because it seems like they just don't care. As if they couldn't possibly begin to understand how you feel, but what about how they feel? Sometimes their silence can speak volumes. The mere fact that they stuck around to hear you out should say something. No one wants to hear how they as a person have messed up especially if it's with someone they really care about. It's very hurtful to know that what you're doing isn't good enough, especially if you thought you were doing your best.

All I'm saying is I feel we're expecting superhuman abilities from them sometimes because of what? We feel like we deserve it? We're so much better than them? Or simply because they're the man and that's what their supposed to do for their woman? Really ladies? If that's your mindset it's almost 2011 and you need to free your mind from all these stereotypes of what men should do. We really need to check our attitudes because we might not be as deserving as we think we are.

I find it funny that women can say they're independent and don't need a man. I'm not saying that's not true because we all know we can do bad all by ourselves, but what I am saying is if you have a man who is doing his best, show him some of that independence sometimes. Take him out or do something that you know he would like. Sometimes telling them that you appreciate them can be more than enough.

Please, don't misunderstand anything I am saying to be taken as women don't take care of their men because I know some women who will bend over backwards for the man they love and still feel unappreciated. Every relationship is different. This is just my opinion but I think it takes a strong man to stick by a woman who will belittle him, do nothing but fuss and complain and still tell her that he loves her.

A male friend of mine told me the other day that if a man is still around after all the things you put him through, then he cares. I went to argue that that isn't enough and that women need to hear that you care and he just shook his head. Now I've come to realize that them staying around is them telling us that they care, we just refuse to listen.

To all the men out there who daily go out with the pressures of the world on your shoulders and can come home and find it in your hearts to love a woman, kudos to you because I know we are not the easiest people to get along with. Your strength and courage (b/c women can be downright scary sometimes) are commendable and you are appreciated.

To all the women who are holding down your men like four flat tires your efforts are admired as well. You are appreciated.

To all the men who want respect from their women when they're not doing anything to warrant her respect....this blog ain't for you.

To all the women who feel like they deserve their men to treat them a certain way just because you're a woman...this blog ain't for you either.

You can't expect him to be your Superman, if you're not willing to be his Superwoman.

What in the Name of Twix?

So someone asked me the other day why is your name Twix? Well this is a good question. I've been called by many nicknames in my life time......Spongebob, Nemo, Fat Girl (which is ironic if you know me)....random stuff. I even had a man from my church call me something crazy. He totally screwed up my name...he got my last name wrong and even added a Jr. after it (I'm a female so I have no idea where he got this whole Jr. business from) Yet, even that name as become an inside joke amongst my good friends and sometimes qualifies as one of my nicknames.

But anywho....the name Twix actually came from a Myspace game that I took during my freshman year of college. You were asked these random questions to come up with your soap opera name or something like that. They asked for your favorite candy and your favorite fragrance. At the time mine responds were: Vanilla and Twix...so the game generated the name (drum roll please) Vanilla Twix.....pretty creative right lol. After I took this I thought nothing of it and I was telling my boyfriend at the time (ex-boyfriend now) about it. He thought it was funny so he started calling me Twix.

Now almost 5 years later no one calls me Twix except him and what's even weirder is that I was bored on Facebook a few weeks ago and it was a nickname quiz. The questions were random such as what is your favorite color, favorite subject, etc...no real questions that would really constitute a proper nickname but ironically when I was done I got the nickname: Twix. So apparently somewhere in the universe they want my name to be Twix so I'm just gonna go with it.

"Waiting" for "Gravity"

I love music! OK so who doesn't right? But there are two songs that have been stuck in my head for the last week that just describe how I've been feeling in a way I could have never even thought of myself.

The first song is called Waiting by Manny Garcia. This guy is so talented and I just love his voice and this song. I feel like this song is the unknown conversation that I have been having with love over the past year lol. Enjoy!

Lyrics:

Love, what you been doin'?
Why did you go when,
When I really needed you to stay?
And love, when I think that you've found me
And I'm within your boundaries,
You just seem to want to go away

See, you walk right in and you go to my head
You leave just as fast and my heart breaks instead
And I want to run from you love,
But there's no breaking free,
You've got this hold on me

Love, what are you doing to me?
I can't play all your games
'Cause they all end the same
With me always beggin' you please not to go
Love, you know I'm ready this time
I've been here patiently
With my heart on my sleeve
Just waiting for you to come by

Oh, love, where are you hiding?
Or are you deciding
That I'm not too comfortable just yet?
But love, I'll tell you that I am
My heart is in your hands
I ain't gonna stop till you know that I am
Ready to...

The next song is called Gravity by Sara Bareilles. I've heard may interpretations of what this song means to people but for me it perfectly describes my previous relationship and just makes me think...plus I just really like this song. Enjoy!

Lyrics:
Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long
No matter what I say or do
I still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone

You hold me without touch
You keep me without chains
I never wanted anything so much
Than to drown in your love and not feel your rain

Set me free, leave me be
I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall
I'm just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me and all over me

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile
When I thought that I was strong
But you touch me for a little while
And all my fragile strength is gone

Set me free, leave me be
I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall
I'm just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me and all over me

I live here on my knees
As I try to make you see
That you're everything I think I need
Here on the ground

But you're neither friend nor foe
Though I can't seem to let you go
The one thing that I still know
Is that you're keeping me down
You're keeping me down

You're on to me, on to me and all over
Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long

I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas....

No not really actually the only animal I would consider getting is a dog and since peace on Earth is out of the question I would like:

1) All the Twilight saga movies

2) Inception

3) A Flip HD camera (I initially wanted this as a graduation present but instead I got a car. Not complaining at all but I still would like the camera)

I hope everyone has a happy holiday, season's greetings and all that jazz :)

I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas is actually a song. I placed it below because a lot of people I've talked to had no idea what I was talking about. Enjoy!

Observation of Men

Just a few observations I have made about the men in my life:

Observation #1:

Majority of my guy friends have become homosexuals....I don't mean become as in they woke up one day and said "hey I want to be gay today," I mean that over the course of our friendship a lot of them have come to realize that this is a part of who they were and they have accommodated their lifestyles accordingly. I have always view homosexually as a matter of preference, not choice. For example, I hate tomatoes I never liked them and I never want them anywhere in any form on my plate....same with men and women, you like what you like. It's as simple as that. I'm not here to judge anyone :)

Observation #2 (and most shocking to me):

Some of the men in my life do not....and I repeat DO NOT shower as frequently as women do!!!! OK this observation came about in the last few days because I never thought about how often men shower I just assumed that because I shower daily (and as often as I feel the slightest bit dirty) everyone else did too. No! I'm wrong (and if you're one of the men in my life and you ever happen to read this notice that I say some because most of you are clean individuals that I love dearly.....but to those some you know who you are but I still love you too lol). OK, so I was talking to someone and I was telling them how I didn't think a friend of mine showered when I last saw them. Not because they smelled bad or anything but b/c I went in their bathroom and their bathroom showed no evidence of them even remotely touching the shower or even having any wet soap to indicate that they washed their hands. Then the person I talked to over told me about a similar situation with a man in her life who doesn't feel the need to shower as frequently either. As we compared stories I began to think of all the other signs out there that I have seen of the men I know who just don't seem to care about showering the way I do. Like I said I'm not here to judge but I just was taken aback (as I usually am when someone's lifestyle differs from my own).....but when it comes to hygiene I can't help by raise an eyebrow.

Observation #3:

I don't think (as a woman) I am meant to understand men. I really don't. There are just too many different types to place one specific label on them all. Which is good because you shouldn't stereotype anyone anyway because everyone is different (duh). Yet, as frustrating as they seem to be (one minute they can't stand you, then they can't stay away, then they mess up, then they're sorry blah. blah, blah) the more they fascinate me. Even knowing that I will never fully understand the intent of their motives (and I'm sure they think the same thing about women) or whether or not they truly "come in peace" or even if they're placed here to torture us I have come to discover......

Observation #4:

I love men :)

Green-Eyed Monster

One of my flaws that I absolutely cannot stand and one that I struggle with the most is how jealous I can be. I have a huge problem with jealous and envy of other people. It's not something I'm proud of but it's a the truth. This year alone I have found myself being crazy jealous over a few things in particular.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I want a family of my own more than anything. For a while I thought I was heading in the right direction to someday getting said family but you know how life likes to slap us around a bit and things don't go according to plan and I ended up back at square one. Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to get married and have a kid tomorrow but it's just something that I really want to be a part of my future (and I have this weird thing about feeling old despite my young age of 22) that it kind of bothers me that my life doesn't seem to be heading in that direction at the moment.

So when I see so many people around me having babies and whatnot I get a this irrational urge to have a baby as well. Call it crazy but sometimes you just want to be included too (hey I said it was irrational). But I just can't help but get jealous when I see people with their families knowing that I want one as well.

One thing I am extremely jealous of (though I hesitate to even admit this out loud but here goes) is my best friend. She has a baby AND a husband. Talk about your green-eyed monster....and what's worse I don't know even know what I'm more jealous of the fact that she has all that or the fact that she got all that in a matter of a year. I think it's a big mix of both depending on my mood. I mean I had been in a relationship for about 6 years and I just hoped that someday we would reach that point and we were nowhere close to that, but she gets meets this guy, they fall in love and have a baby....They were living my dream!!!

Yes I know this sounds a bit dramatic and the story isn't as simple as that but still, this is what I want more than anything and it was happening right before my eyes! And what's even worse is that her husband was one of my best friend's too. We would hang out on a daily basis but once they started dating, I felt like the 3rd wheel (very awkward). I felt like I had lost 2 of my best friends without any warning and for my own sanity I had to often excuse myself from them just to try and keep my jealousy in check (which at times I failed at). I hated feeling left out and it was just kind of a weird adjustment since we all hung out together....And they seemed so happy together and I was truly happy for them but damn it if I wasn't hating on their happiness too. I wanted to be happy like that too lol.

So let's recap shall we:

1) Certain loss of Best Friends ✓

2) Best Friends get married ✓

3) Best Friends have baby ✓

Now I know their lives are not always rainbows and sunshine but when feel alone with no one and your best friends are happily together living out the dream you want for yourself, you tend to feel some kind of way and sometimes all I could see was green.

I was not happy about the way I felt towards them, in fact I often felt quite guilty because I know they didn't plan to fall in love etc., life just happens that way some times. Also, I love these people like my family....no they are my family and despite my feelings I am happy for them and wish them all the best.

However, I just feel that majority of the things I strive for never seem to work out right while others who strive towards similar things seem to have no problem and things go along just swimmingly for them. I just don't get it. Is something wrong with me? I try and try but things just don't seem to work out for me so yes I get terribly jealous when things go right for others when I feel like I'm constantly struggling. I feel like I'm being tested and failing miserably because I can't seem to get over this issue and just be happy with what I have but I'm trying to remember that "just because something isn't happening now doesn't mean it will never happen" but until then...

Everyone my name is Twix and I struggle with jealousy and envy of others :(

5 Random Facts About Twix

Here are just a few random facts about me

1. I wish I had a British accent

2. I hate the sound of people's feet shuffling across the carpet (it's like nails on a chalkboard to me)

3. I once made a deal w/ a friend that if we both weren't married by the time we were 25, we would marry each other....thank goodness he got married b/c I was not about to go through with that

4. I have weakness for men with muscular arms and nice lips

5. Team Jacob!!!! Enough said even though I know how it ends :)

Broke but not Broken

Pennies, nickels, quarters and dimes.....change. I'm not talking about the kind of change that Obama promised, I'm talking about that funny little jingle that plays every time I look through my wallet. All I hear is cents but it doesn't make any sense that I'm here in this predicament. You see I'm broke but I am not broken, discouraged but not lacking courage. Lost but I am not searching.....This roller coaster ride has been full of surprise and it doesn't seem like it's stopping. Through the twists and turns, the loops and the curves my heart beats and it still keeps on pumping. Though tired inside and nothing seems right there's a hope that I have been given. It's in Jesus' name that I still remain...calm....but I won't keep quiet. I'm a riot inside, a woman full of pride, a storm that is ready to rise. Everything and nothing at all. Still but not for very long. Alive preparing for the call.

Confessions of a College Grad

*Disclaimer*: Please excuse any bad language in this blog. Frustration is the polite way to put how I was feeling but nevertheless, enjoy my insight :)

The other day a friend's mother asked me "how does it feel to be a college graduate?" She asked because she was taking classes now and she expressed how happy and excited she would once it was over and wanted to know if I felt the same way since I had already graduated. Now it's been months since I graduated and to be honest I never had a certain feeling about it. During the weeks prior to graduation I would find myself walking around campus thinking about what I would feel like once it was all over but I never got any overwhelming feelings of accomplishment or anything to be excited about. Maybe I'm just strange in that way.

Sure I was happy to be finished with writing research papers and studying for tests but other than that I really didn't have an opinion about the matter. After the question was asked of me I couldn't think of an appropriate response (you know the whole gushing and excited one that most people hope for) so I simply replied that "it really hasn't hit me yet."

Although I thought of that response off of the top of my head I found it to be somewhat true. Graduating from college really has hit me yet because I still feel like the same person I was before it happened the only difference is that I don't have to do a ton homework.

Now that I've had time to think about it I do know how I feel: unaccomplished, annoyed, pissed off, pressured, stressed out, broke (which really isn't just a feeling it's a way of life for me right now) and very unhappy.

WHAT??? How can you say that? You graduated from college! Some people don't even get that opportunity and you did. How could you possibly feel this way???

I am so very glad you asked me that......

One of the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my young adult life is being a college graduate. It's like as soon as you walk across that stage and they hand you your diploma (which is just a funky ass piece of paper that say 'Welcome to Alumni Association' who btw just sent me something asking me for money....they already took enough of my money so no!) I swear people just automatically assume that is your ticket to the key of life like you're supposed to have all the answers.

And then there's the questions which go something like this:

1) What was your major?

2)What are you going to do now?

3)Have you found a job yet?

I have answered these questions a million times over the past few months and I'm sick of it. So stop asking Especially the one about having a job. For now the answer is no and it's a stab in my heart every time some asks me the dreaded question. My answer is always the same "No, I'm still looking" when I really want to say "No, are you going to give me one?"

The questions are bad enough by itself but when the same people ask me over and over I really just want to cuss them out and say "you just asked me the same damn question last week. do you hear me asking you do you wipe your ass every time you take a shit, No! so stop asking me the same stupid shit over and over" But that would be rude to tell the church people but I'm sorry that shit gets old real quick.

I know, I know if I had a job I wouldn't feel this way but after paying almost $50,000 for a piece of paper that basically says you're capable of learning (aka the Diploma), applying for jobs constantly with no success, and worst of all after spending four years away in hopes of gaining my own life and independence I had to move back home. You wanna know how I feel? Nothing but pissed the hell off.

All those years of preparing for a future that doesn't seem to exist just makes me feel like I took two steps forward and a million steps back because I'm right back where I started before college started. Actually, I don't think I was this bad off before. Times like these make me wonder why I went to college in the first place when it seems to have gotten me nowhere.

All this pressure to get a job and make something out of myself all because I graduated. I get tired of everyone assuming that I don't have a job because I'm not trying Apparently, applying my life away for jobs daily isn't enough. Apparently, people think I enjoy getting rejected or never hearing back from jobs and I'm content to just keep things the way they are. NEW FLASH we're in a recession and I'm sorry but no one is just handing jobs out unless you're a hooker on the street corner.

So please excuse me if I'm not jumping for joy at this "major milestone" but I swear these days I feel like crap and just annoyed by the way things have turned out. So that's how I feel and the next time somebody asks me I might just tell them exactly how I feel. Hopefully they'll finally leave me the hell alone.

Lost in Translation

This weekend my best friend Tippy came into town with her husband, baby and in-laws. We were all sitting around talking trying to figure out what we wanted to do that afternoon and our conversation went a little something like this:

Tippy: I want to see that new Tyler Perry movie For Colored Girls

Me: I do too

Daddy B (Tippy's dad): It's not called that, it's called Colored Girls

Tippy & I: No, it's called For Colored Girls

Daddy B: I don't know why it's definitely got more that four colored girls in the movie

(Tippy and I start laughing)

Daddy B: It should be called Six Colored Girls or Eight because it's definitely more than four

Tippy (still laughing): No not four the number for like it's for women of color

Me: Yea, it's based off of the book For Colored Girls etc.

Daddy B: Well Tyler Perry should have at least got the right number in the title

He was just messing with us and he knew what it was called but it was still funny. We didn't end up seeing the movie but I still enjoyed our time together. I love Tippy like my sister and she truly is. Although, sometimes our conversations get mixed up I loved having her around to talk and catch up on things. I can't wait until her next visit where I'm sure there will be plenty of laughs to go around.

Living in the Land of the Lost

I know it's been a while, around 7 months to be exact. When I first started this blog I was hoping to use it as a tool to be able to express myself, but then so many things happened and I kinda of forgot about it. But now I'm back....hopefully on a regular basis....hopefully.....

Anyway, in these past months I have graduated from college, became an aunt and moved back home. During the months I before I graduated.....actually before I even started college, I had it all figured out. I would go to college, graduate, get a well paying job, get married, have children....you know, live the American dream and whatnot. Sadly, I was mistaken, terribly (and sometimes miserably) mistaken.

I tried desperately to find a job before I graduated. Nothing seemed to work out. I did manage to get this job at a marketing company. I was really excited because my minor was in marketing and I really enjoyed that career field. I should have known something was up when I put my application in and they called me the same day for an interview. When I got to the place for my interview there were a lot of candidates there applying for the same job. My interview went well and I was hired.

I was excited about this because some friends and I were trying to get an apartment and needed steady jobs to qualify of course and in my interview the boss said the average earnings were $4,000 a month. Now I'm not stupid and I figured that once you were more established in the company you would earn this. Nevertheless, I was thrilled at the prospect of having a "real grown-up" job.

When I got there I saw that other people were applying for the job and I asked how many they usually hire here and an employee informed me that many people quit the job (strike 1). As the work day began one of the employees decided he need a bit of "liquid courage" to start off his day (strike 2). My "trainer" went to pull her car around because since I was "in training" we were supposed to car pool so she could show me the ropes. Her car was full of old beer cans and red cups and cigarette butts. It was the most disgusting thing. I would have been embarrassed to have anyone in my car like that. At part of me wanted to just leave right then and there but I decided to stick it out because I was still getting paid for this. The lady and her husband (who also worked there) were the most unprofessional people I ever met in my life. They were cursing the whole time and between the two of them smoked about 7 packs in one day (strike 3).

What the boss had failed to mention during the interview was that this job was nothing but being a glorified door to door salesperson. Literally, we went from business to business trying to sell people discounted items from IHOP and other businesses. It was so stupid the whole time I kept thinking who in their right mind wants to buy something from us when they are at their own jobs trying to make money??? The couple who were "training me" were horrible. They kept stopping to get gas every ten minutes which I really found to be a smoke break and he left the car running while getting the gas (strike 4). The only thing that kept me going was the thought that I was getting paid for this.

Finally, the day was over and we met back at the main office for debriefing or whatever you want to call it. The boss asked if we sold anything and we told her only one item. She said ok you two will split those earnings and hopefully you'll do better next tomorrow.....excuse me??? (FYI, the item cost $20 so that means I would only get $10) I didn't spend all day with these dirty trailer trash people just to get $10, so I asked her about it. "Oh, yea this is a commission based job, and you'll only get $5 today because I split that cost too. I forgot to tell you that" (strikes 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, all the strikes).

She forgot? I was about to forget who I was and cuss out everyone in the room at that point because the boss had clearly gone over the hourly pay and training pay with me during the interview and this was not mentioned at all. Needless to say I could see why there were so many people quitting this job. It wasn't a job at all. If anything it was like prostitution...you know going out doing all the dirty work for the pimp and coming back and handing over your money. Although this "business" was legit I was through right then and there......

Ever since then things have been going down hill. I couldn't find a job after graduation and couldn't get the apartment so I had to move back home. Which isn't very fun at all. I had been so used to being on my own for the past 4 years it was so hard to adjust back to having rules and not being able to do things my own way.

Nothing seems to go right here either. All my friends are miles away and there's rarely anyone to hang out with or talk to and I'm too broke to go see them and it's extremely frustrating and lonely. I feel like I'm living in the land of the lost because all my "plans" went south in a hurry. No job, no money, no friends. I struggle daily trying to find something to do with myself and it's very miserable.

But I try desperately to keep positive and hopefully things will start looking up soon.

How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?

So I've been doing a lot of thinking and talking with my friend, CeCe and sister Tippy, about relationships and heartbreak and we all came up with some interesting insights.

CeCe perspective goes along with the picture above. She's tired of giving her heart to men who always seem to hurt her. She's tired of saying "I love you," just for it to end in a broken heart. I can agree with CeCe because it does get exhausting after a while and it definitely sucks when the one you love doesn't love you in return or their feelings toward you change.

Tippy tried to interject and say that the man that God has for us (CeCe and I are single, Tippy is not) will come when we are spiritually and mentally ready. CeCe agreed and so did I but me being the impatient one that I am also thought "whatever, I don't wanna hear that stuff I just want a man already" (lol)....but then I thought about what the picture above says:

"If I knew it was going to hurt this bad I would have never told you I love you"

I read it over and over and thought, "what if God thought this way about us?" We often fuss and complain over why love has to be so hard and how complicated it is.....what if God kept His sacrifice and never died on the cross for us. He knew how we had hurt Him and how we would hurt Him but He still loved us enough to die for us anyway. This really hit me hard because I believe that it is ok to experience some heartache due to a break-up or whatever the situation may be, but that doesn't stop God from constantly showing us how much He loves and cares about us, even though we hurt Him and sometimes just ignore Him. So I don't think that should stop us from showing love to others and in the mean time, while your heart is healing just give it over to God.

A Few of my Favorite Things

There will be no "raindrops on roses or whiskers on kittens" but since I'm still fairly new to this whole blogging thing, I thought I would let you in on a few fun facts about me and the things I like. Enjoy :)

1. Jesus is absolutely amazing.....enough said :)

2.I love musicals! If there is singing involved I'm all about it! Currently I am absolutely in love with Wicked. I haven't seen it yet but I hope to soon. I love all the songs from it and I am super excited to see it....someday....

3. I also like anime. A few people have told me I don't look like the type of person that would like anime but really, what does a person who likes anime even look like? I don't know but a few of my favorites are:

Inuyasha

The perfect balance of mixed signaled romance and demon killing, what more could a girl ask for?

Sailor Moon Who doesn't want to fight evil by moonlight and win love by daylight? I know I sure did!

Dragon Ball Z

This show often confused me but I loved the action and Goku's light hearted nature made it all worth while.

Kimi ga Nozomu Eien (or) Rumbling HeartsIn my 22 years of life this one has to be my absolute favorite anime (next to Sailor Moon). The story is just so amazing! The love triangle between Takayuki, Haruka, and Mitsuki will make you happy, sad, and just down right confused. One minute you'll find yourself on Haruka's side, then Mitsuki (some people give her a bad wrap but if this was real life you may find yourself feeling like she does). And poor Takayuki.......I don't want to give too much away but I really think everyone should check this one out whether you like anime or not. It's a great storyline!

There are also a few others I find interesting such as Tenchi Muyo, Bleach

4. I love books and movies! I could read and watch them all day mostly read though. I love the way books smell, feel and just the way they let you use your own imagination. I am the girl who will read a book before it is a movie and complain (internally) about how the movie is nowhere near the genius that the book has.....therefore I will rarely like a movie as much as I like the book.

Here are a few of my favorite movies and books (a few, if I did them all we'd be here all night and I am trying to be considerate :) but if you'd like to discuss them, I'd be happy to share!)

Love & Basketball

Monica and Q's love story is just classic in my book. I can never get enough of this movie. It keeps me optimistic in the ways of love.

The Time Traveler's Wife (The Book)First of all the book is way better than the movie, because you get a deeper understanding of how much Henry and Claire love each other and why. I love this book it will make you laugh and cry. It just proves that love can overcome anything including the tests of time.

The Notebook (The Movie)

Allie and Noah......sigh. I really really like this movie. It's heartwarming to see the lengths that people will go through for love. One of the few movies I liked better than the book.

The Wedding

I felt this book would be fitting to be next because it is the sequel to The Notebook. Although the title says The Wedding, this book took me by surprise. This really has nothing to do with a wedding but Allie and Noah's daughter, Jane and her troubled marriage. Through the narration of Jane's husband, Wilson, you find out how he feels about his marriage and if he feels like it can be saved. This is a great book and the ending almost had me in tears.....of joy of course :)

Fireproof

It almost has the same premise of The Wedding. It is a really good movie and it shows how God can help you through anything :) I recommend this movie to everyone whether you are married or not. I was in tears watching this. It is very very good.

I know it seems like I'm a girly girl who is into chick flicks, but that is not entirely true. I do have a soft spot for love stories but I also like action and comedy movies too like The Departed, Minority Report, Troy, 300, and Interview with the Vampire.....I also enjoyed the Harry Potter series and The Twilight Saga (Team Jacob all the way.....although I have been leaning towards Team Edward but that's a whole other story). I could go on and on but like I said before, we'd be here forever :)

I also have a thing for foreign films, mostly ones in Japanese but I just love the way other cultures do things and I absolutely hate when they'll dub a movie and the lips don't watch the words. Give me subtitles any day.

5. I am in no way, shape or form perfect......and that's exactly how I like it! This describes me perfectly though. Everything it says is me on most days. My hair hardly ever stays in place, I'm terribly clumsy. As of late I sometimes do go to bed with a broken heart (due to a recent break-up). And sometimes nothing goes right......And I wouldn't have it any other way. I love being me!

Well I hope you enjoyed reading this fellow bloggers. I had more but I didn't want to overwhelm you with my randomness. Feel free to comment :)

Random Thoughts in the Midnight Hour

Since I'm awake (I'm supposed to be studying......) I've been doing some thinking and these random thoughts about myself popped into my head

I'm often inspired but rarely motivated......I'm not exactly sure why that is though

I am slowly coming to terms with the fact finding true love may take longer that I've anticipated. I am in no way shape or form a patient person.....so I'm considering this 'time period' a test of my patience and I hope to pass with flying colors so wish me luck.

I think this little 'epiphany' came about because I am constantly wanting and dreaming about the man I will one day marry and how we will love each other and start a family of our own and blah blah blah. I want a family more than anything in this world and I often see my friends getting engaged and married and having babies and I often wonder when I will get to experience such happiness of my own......and then it hits me the keywords there are "of my own" meaning just for me....mine. I can't fawn over the longing and envy (I shamefully admit) that I feel when I see such wonders but their happiness is not for me its for them.

So I'm going to wait patiently because in the past I've found myself trying to rush and even force some things in hopes that it would bring my happily ever after a lot sooner.....but that tactic backfire and in the long run just pushed it even further back which, considering I'm an impatient person, just made me even more anxious.....

"It's a process," that's what this girl says about her attitude problem almost every day in one of my classes. It often annoys me but now I kinda get where she's coming from. It is a process no matter what your hang up is it won't just disappear overnight, you have to work on it just like I have to work on my impatience when it comes to love.

I think it's for the best because I want to fall in love and be married once (the marriage part, I mean, I may have to go through a few thorns to get to that rose) so I would rather take the time and weed through the thorns and get a little scratched up to find that rose.

Hopefully loving myself will be good enough for the time being. So again wish me luck on overcoming my impatience and on my journey to finding true love :)

I love late night revelations :)

I'm melting......

Today I feel like I've melted....Not the Elphaba (Wicked Witch of the West) type of melting but the candy bar kind. You know like when you find a candy bar that you didn't know you had and you're really excited but then you open it and its sort of smushed and melted....that's how I feel. My wrapper is intact but my contents are all loopsided and gushy.

At first I thought that it was because it was a rainy Monday but its more than that.....when I figure it out I'll let you know but until then I'm melting..........