Sometimes You Can't

I remember when I was about 5 or 6, Bonnie Raitt was my mom's favorite artist. She listened to her all the time and I already knew most of the words to her songs. My preschool always had our class singing something for a recital or something and it really made me nervous to know that I would have to sing even if it was in a group. To prepare for such events, my mom thought singing with her would make me feel less nervous.

The song was "I Can't Make You Love Me" and although I know the song was just for practice purposes there was no way my 5 or 6 year old self could have possibly understood the dynamic of the lyrics I was singing. I know I didn't because I remember thinking this is a really pretty song. Although the attempt didn't go so well (I sang a verse then got shy when my mom and granny started making a fuss over how well I did and how easy that was, then ran off in the other room) I found myself going back to the song and truly listening to the lyrics.

I don't know if it's because of the new year or what but as I listened to the song I could almost feel the emotion that the artist put into the song. Feeling something so deeply for another person, pouring your heart out for them so they will know exactly how you feel, just to learn that they don't feel the same.....I was almost in tears and I've never been that big on being emotional either but that just hit a nerve or something. Then the song continues saying "I can't make you love me if you don't." One emotion I am very big on is love. I feel everyone needs it and everyone deserves it....and when it's one sided it really just breaks my heart. I don't know why that is but that's just how I feel.

Anyway, I know this song is probably aimed at romantic relationships but I looked at it from a friendship stand point as well. I've heard a lot of people say that it's time to leave some people in 2010 because in 2011 there is no time for the things of the past that aren't in their best interests. Sometimes in a friendship you just can't make things work out and even though you still may feel strongly about them and want them in your life they're just not best for you or they want to stay stuck in their ways and aren't willing to change. Since they're not willing to head in the same direction that you're going in, you can't make them continue on in your journey they're not willing to fit your needs or "you can't make them love you if they don't."

But from a romantic standpoint I know what this is like. No matter how badly you want someone to feel the same way for, sometimes they just don't and I think the line of "I can't make you love me if you don't" has so much strength behind it. Initially, I thought of course you can't make anyone love you but you can at least try (I'm a love advocate I just don't believe in giving up when it comes to love because life is just way too short and love can be hard to find....of course when it becomes borderline stalkerish and crazy then that's a bit too extreme...). But showing that you can have the courage to comprehend that the one you love doesn't love you and you're willing to let them go in order to find what does make them happy is just one of the best things you can give to someone.

Granted I know this hurts, I've been there and done that and being on the bad end of love's sting isn't a bowl full of sunshine and of course the pain won't leave over night but I do think that regardless of whether or not it's romantically inclined or the end of a friendship understanding that everyone won't always love you or feel the same way about how you live your life. Whether it's worth the fight to try and keep them in your life or not is up to you, but just remember that the important thing is you love yourself first and the truly important people will love you as is.

Here is original version from back in my mom's day :)

And this version is by Boyz II Men for something my generation can relate to :)

Lyrics:

Turn down the lights, turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize - don't patronize me

CHORUS: Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight

CHORUS: Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't